Never have I been one to sit and work on a puzzle for long. Any of the good ones can take days.. maybe even weeks to complete. I have watched progress of them as family or friends work on them and perhaps I may have found a corner piece or a few edges for them as I pass by the table. I just couldn't slow myself down for long enough to focus on the task and enjoy the process of it. I have started them on my own before, but really, I can't recall finishing one. I get to a hard piece and I get frustrated or bored and just ... well, I give up. When I would watch the people I know working on their own puzzles they wouldn't look the way I pictured myself looking when I sat down to one. I'd be scratching my head and sighing and squirming in my seat. Never noticing that as they might have approached me to assist, I would push them away. "I don't need help!! I can do this on my own" So, they would leave me with all my pieces. And soon, I would get up and find a different distraction.
The thing is, I wasn't seeing at all what the point of it was. That one piece I set in for them on their puzzle and the four they had help with from another friend. And, the hour that their mom stopped by and chatted with them as they worked on it. Those were the hardest parts for them. I didn't see their trouble because they didn't turn down help. They enjoyed having the extra hands to see them through the edges they just could find and the seemingly millions of trees all the same exact size and color and shape. I kept seeing someone accepting help as a weakness. Really, this ability to see when you are in need of help is a strength.
Each piece of the puzzle is equally important. You can not have a beautiful picture to look back at if even a single one is missing. Each day we are given is also equally important and they all add in this journey we live that will lead to our final, beautiful, amazing picture. The easy, the impossible... the everything. Finding peace with our challenges comes with knowing that God is shaping us into exactly what we need to be. Some of these "piece" making days can be incredibly difficult. Some of them can be so easy we don't even realize what amazing work God is doing in our lives. Finding Peace of mind in our day to day puzzles is knowing that he didn't leave us here to go through it alone. He sends us helpers at every turn. As I do with most things, I learned this the hard way.
I'm not so afraid of puzzles anymore. I just might take one on our next camping trip.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
it's all good
Standing outside the tent is actually not bad. The view out here is AMAZING! Fresh air and clouds and furry little animals running about. The sun comes up each morning and peeks about through the hills and tall tress. The ground warms up and I can smell sweet flowers as they reach for a dose of energy from their provider. Yes, birds sing and rain gently falls sometimes. The little campers run about and play with dirt and rocks and make up funny games. Out here, in Gods country, away from the busy city life, away from the hate and the hurry and the blame and the worry, away from bills and electronics and work and the micro-managed lives we follow everyday....you can find it -the way HE made it.. . Out here, It's All Good.
I have heard this phrase many times in my life. Recently I have witnessed the amazing grace that can be placed on a person who speaks truth all the time. This amazing, beautiful person uses this phrase more as a motto. At first I thought it was just what they said to make light of any situation that might not be a perfect one. Often using it in situations where I would never have seen the light and the glory but would probably see pain and sadness. But what I would hear again "It's all good". As I grew closer and watched closer and through this friend put myself out there in faith, I could see that through strength and faith in the power of our maker, yes it is ALL GOOD. Earlier tonight I sat and thought of how good all things made by him are just that and that phrase when though my head. Later tonight I read my middle camper ( we call him Zach) a story. It was from the Bible storybook we bought for his big sister a few years back. And, now that big sister has a big girl bible he gets this fun story telling one. I started on the first page and as the "real" Bible goes.. it started in the beginning. I was quite proud of myself for reading and not tearing up. I am quite the cry baby and it often attacks me while reading sweet stories to my campers.
Had this phrase not been in my head all day, then this story would not have made me pause to breath and compose myself. Here is what got to me:
"God hovered over the deep, silent darkness. He was making life happen. God spoke. That's all. And whatever he said, it happened. God said, "Hello light!" and light shone into the darkness. God called the light, 'Day' and the darkness, 'Night'. "you're good," God said. And they were."
Whatever you are standing in front of. The door of the house you can barely afford... The start of a new journey as a parent... The end of a journey with an old friend. A giant pile of laundry, of leaves, of bills..... A house full of people you can't manage.... A puppy who wont do her business where she should.... The door of your new tent you are too chicken to step into... Look at what really matters. Look at all things made by God. All things were made for us by him and made for us for good. When you look hard enough you can see that behind the busy and the dirty and the bothersome, there is the good. It took me witnessing it in a friend who had odds upon odds stacked against them. Who seeks him and comes out on top and knows what has been promised.
He said it him self, he made it himself - so it must be. It's all good!
-The Jesus Storybook Bible - written by sally lloyd-jones pg 18-19
tommorrow -I found a puzzle peice -
I have heard this phrase many times in my life. Recently I have witnessed the amazing grace that can be placed on a person who speaks truth all the time. This amazing, beautiful person uses this phrase more as a motto. At first I thought it was just what they said to make light of any situation that might not be a perfect one. Often using it in situations where I would never have seen the light and the glory but would probably see pain and sadness. But what I would hear again "It's all good". As I grew closer and watched closer and through this friend put myself out there in faith, I could see that through strength and faith in the power of our maker, yes it is ALL GOOD. Earlier tonight I sat and thought of how good all things made by him are just that and that phrase when though my head. Later tonight I read my middle camper ( we call him Zach) a story. It was from the Bible storybook we bought for his big sister a few years back. And, now that big sister has a big girl bible he gets this fun story telling one. I started on the first page and as the "real" Bible goes.. it started in the beginning. I was quite proud of myself for reading and not tearing up. I am quite the cry baby and it often attacks me while reading sweet stories to my campers.
Had this phrase not been in my head all day, then this story would not have made me pause to breath and compose myself. Here is what got to me:
"God hovered over the deep, silent darkness. He was making life happen. God spoke. That's all. And whatever he said, it happened. God said, "Hello light!" and light shone into the darkness. God called the light, 'Day' and the darkness, 'Night'. "you're good," God said. And they were."
Whatever you are standing in front of. The door of the house you can barely afford... The start of a new journey as a parent... The end of a journey with an old friend. A giant pile of laundry, of leaves, of bills..... A house full of people you can't manage.... A puppy who wont do her business where she should.... The door of your new tent you are too chicken to step into... Look at what really matters. Look at all things made by God. All things were made for us by him and made for us for good. When you look hard enough you can see that behind the busy and the dirty and the bothersome, there is the good. It took me witnessing it in a friend who had odds upon odds stacked against them. Who seeks him and comes out on top and knows what has been promised.
He said it him self, he made it himself - so it must be. It's all good!
-The Jesus Storybook Bible - written by sally lloyd-jones pg 18-19
tommorrow -I found a puzzle peice -
Monday, January 3, 2011
Time
Stayed inside all day. Fighting a headache and keeping the little campers happy. I stayed up entirely too late yesterday and really needed to get some rest. My day today was short and not very fulfilling and this makes for one who is not a happy camper. I like my time that I have discovered in the morning before the world awakes. I missed this today. I'd love to have it everyday. But i'm not ready to turn in my night owl badge for a morning person sticker! What time do you start your day and when do you tuck into bed? Normal for me is up around 7:30 and to bed about midnight.
Sharing daily is a goal of mine. Another goal, as tent keeper, I am setting for myself. To be on-time or early to al things I commit to. Being late in no longer allowed in the tent!
Sharing daily is a goal of mine. Another goal, as tent keeper, I am setting for myself. To be on-time or early to al things I commit to. Being late in no longer allowed in the tent!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Day 2 in the tent
I like to camp. I get all into the planning and the prep. Sorting and packing and writing lists. I love the drive there. The quiet calm of the great outdoors! I love the campfire and the smores! I love seeing my kids dirty little hands and faces all happy and content with their day in the sun and fresh air. The part I could do without, the part I like to avoid, the part that makes me long for home.... The crawling into the tent... late sometime in the night - hoping I don't trip on the doorway zipper thing... in the cold... on the ground... in the dark - and trying to fall asleep NOT in my warm familiar bed at home. I know all along what the hardest part will be for me and I set out anyway to camp with my family because I know that in a few days we will pack up and drive home. Good times will be had and wonderful memories will be made. Lessons, I'm sure, will have been learned about nature and life and moments WILL be made that will impact us forever. There is something about being in a different place, totally out of our element, that makes these moments different. Harder to do the everyday things of life, but worth the struggle to do them. Harder to manage time because life pulls me in a different way out there. I'm not used to being there. Harder to fall asleep at night, but worth the pain of sleeping on the floor of the tent.
I'm seeking this now. Well, not the actual floor of the tent thing, but in my new tent I am building. I want to find that moment that I let go of the fear of "sleeping on the tent floor". It's as if I have been standing outside of the campground staring at the tent and it's getting later. Dusk is fading into full on black sky. All things close by are still and calm yet you know that just over the hill there is a city bursting with life into the night. The site next to me has been tucked away for an hour and I can hear the peaceful sounds of rest leaving the roof of their tent and heading towards the stars. I am looking for this. I AM looking for peace in my tent. But I know I need to find something else first. As I stand there thinking about going in but halfway thinking about maybe sleeping in the car with the radio on... I hear something happy. I can look across the way and see my friends shadows through their tents.. They have a light in their tent. And the pictures dancing in front of me are that of joy and love and understanding. They move freely in and out of the tent and help each other with that tricky door. Have they crawled into their tent to find a party waiting there? What is the key to the happiness on the floor of this tent? Could it be the simple switching on of a light.
As I lift my hands to my head to think, I realize I'm holding something. In my hand, my very own flashlight. It's small but I think it's got new batteries. How long have I been holding onto it... Should I go in. I'm not sure my light would be strong enough. All the other tents with lights on are so bright. How could I? What will they think? What if they see my tiny light? What if I stand out and feel alone? Or what if, when I open the door and step in (still I might trip - I'm a clumsy) I find a bigger light inside, waiting for me....
I'm seeking this now. Well, not the actual floor of the tent thing, but in my new tent I am building. I want to find that moment that I let go of the fear of "sleeping on the tent floor". It's as if I have been standing outside of the campground staring at the tent and it's getting later. Dusk is fading into full on black sky. All things close by are still and calm yet you know that just over the hill there is a city bursting with life into the night. The site next to me has been tucked away for an hour and I can hear the peaceful sounds of rest leaving the roof of their tent and heading towards the stars. I am looking for this. I AM looking for peace in my tent. But I know I need to find something else first. As I stand there thinking about going in but halfway thinking about maybe sleeping in the car with the radio on... I hear something happy. I can look across the way and see my friends shadows through their tents.. They have a light in their tent. And the pictures dancing in front of me are that of joy and love and understanding. They move freely in and out of the tent and help each other with that tricky door. Have they crawled into their tent to find a party waiting there? What is the key to the happiness on the floor of this tent? Could it be the simple switching on of a light.
As I lift my hands to my head to think, I realize I'm holding something. In my hand, my very own flashlight. It's small but I think it's got new batteries. How long have I been holding onto it... Should I go in. I'm not sure my light would be strong enough. All the other tents with lights on are so bright. How could I? What will they think? What if they see my tiny light? What if I stand out and feel alone? Or what if, when I open the door and step in (still I might trip - I'm a clumsy) I find a bigger light inside, waiting for me....
Saturday, January 1, 2011
A Bigger Vision
I can most definitely set up a tent, by myself, in the 115 degree heat, with 3 kids,a puppy and a husband near by! Will the tent last through the night? Maybe. Will it still be standing in a week? I can't tell you that either. What I can tell you - That old tent....I tore it down - I am starting new. I have found myself a tent builder. He's been in business for a while now and he is kind of a pro at keeping people safe and dry. I have known him for a long time. Problem was, I hadn't thought to ask him for help until now. I'm looking outwards now from inside this tent that I have decided to keep my family in. What I can tell you is that from this moment forward I know who and what I need inside the tent with us to keep it pegged down through tough winds and uncertain storms. Like many starting out, I haven't much to build with yet. My investment is in stretchy fabric and heavy stakes! The tools to survive through each storm will vary day by day, as I have set myself up with a pallet of many potentially exciting adventures. Though looking in from a view point in the woods, my tent seems crazy, don't be quick to judge me. My willingness to take advice is great and humorous at times. Laugh with me as I pull my camp along on this Vision I can see clearly.
My goal is to live a simple life filled with the things I need (and sometimes want). To raise my children to love and know God and grow to be loving, giving, selfless little sprouts of this world. To seek God and embrace the path he has chosen for me. To look at what's right in my life and not what's wrong. To always follow my bigger vision. To remember which things fall into the category "Not In My Tent"
My goal is to live a simple life filled with the things I need (and sometimes want). To raise my children to love and know God and grow to be loving, giving, selfless little sprouts of this world. To seek God and embrace the path he has chosen for me. To look at what's right in my life and not what's wrong. To always follow my bigger vision. To remember which things fall into the category "Not In My Tent"
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