Where Are You?

I just gotta say - living in this TENT rocks! I am walking and learning from and engaging with a God who knows me. He wants to know me more and wants me to seek him and know him. I used to be so hung up on where I was. Where I wasn't is more of what I was hung up on. Where I am is more important than where I think I need to be or where I know I am headed. Not to say that you shouldn't have goals and dreams, but that you can't base where you are today, right now, and how great your relationships with God is on where you know you should be! OK this sounded better in my head. What I am trying to say is this.. I realized that when I stopped comparing myself to everyone is see and what they are doing spiritually, it made my place with God clear to me. You see, the only way I can judge what others are doing with God is by what I can see. And what I can see has nothing to do with what God is doing on the inside of them. I know that all I do outwardly for God means nothing to him if what is in my heart is not lining up with whats on my face, whats in my hands, what comes out of my mouth....

Only I can know where I am with Him. And only I can sit in the my moment with Him and know that he sees my heart.

Where am I?

I am in an army. I am gearing up for battle. I am talking. I am walking. I am following.

The places I sit, stand, wait, rejoice.. aren't actual spots but more of moments.

I am in a moment. A moment with my heavenly father. Many moments. Always changing. Always in a moment.

It doesn't matter where I am. He is with me in every moment.

What are you Expecting?

Yesterday I typed up a big blog post about the pine tree in my front yard. It was good but when I added the photo to it - the text went away and poof all my writing had gone! One day I will retype it but for now I am gonna leave it as a God way of me not sharing that with you this week.

Today after getting the big kids all to school ( a process that starts at 6:30am and ends at 9:00am ) - I took out the trash bag to the curb - today is trash day - and I walked over to my small tomato patch, under my giant pine tree, to check out my harvest! I didn't bring a bag or a bucket or any type of carrying container to bring anything back with me. I didn't plan ahead as I walked out to deposit the garbage in the can.. and think that I might bring something back in the house with me. Really it never crossed my mind that anything that I would ever need to bring in would require more than what my two hands could carry. I wasn't expecting big things from the seeds I planted months ago. The plants themselves are big and strong and look as though many fruit would come from them. Until now I only pulled about 10 tomatoes from the 8 or so bushes growing.

I walked over to them across our overgrown lawn ( I had Alex turn the sprinklers off so the grass will chill out) and bent down to check out what was red enough to grab. The plants had grown so much I had to first tie them up a little tighter to pull them farther away from the ground. I am wearing a hoodie sweater today ( which says I LOVE MY HUSBAND on it - I really really really do) and it has two small pockets which I put the two tomatoes into as I picked them. When I lifted the plants up I saw that there were more tomatoes then I had first seen. I grabbed them and put them in my pocket too. Now that I was on my knees and looking at all the plants I saw even more and as I moved to grab more - the fruit that was in my pockets would fall out.. I didn't have a way to hold all that I was harvesting. I think I dropped them 3 or 4 times.

It made me realize, God is really stretching my faith in Him. I keep wanting more and asking for him to pour into my life. But have I provided the place for which all that he gives me will fit? Have I made room for what he wants for me?

Working in the garden is so rewarding. I see so much about myself and get to see how God wants to work in my life when I am outside working on it. I planted two small gardens this year - one is my strong tomato plants and the other is (or I should say was) a variety of veggies on the other side of the house. The variety side didn't make it -- -for a few reasons. I think it needed more direct light ( oh the things I could write about that) and the other being that I wasn't home enough to keep the weeds away ( and yet another amazing topic).

My point ( yes sometimes I have one) is that you never know what your harvest will be. You never know when it will come. But what are you expecting? Are you running up to God and saying "I'm ready" but holding out a tiny basket that holds what you already know you can handle? Or are you standing boldly with a line of wheel barrels ready to haul away all that he can provide?

God is able. He can do so much more than we ask or imagine!

Ephesians 3:20-21

New King James Version (NKJV)

20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, 21 to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

what is seen

Proof you CAN camp without COFFEE

Well hello there campers. I know it's been a while. Let’s just say I found my way into the tent and I was so busy enjoying the light from all the amazing stars up above that I lost track of time. More Like I lost track of myself. It was exactly what I needed. Sometimes we get so caught up in ourselves and who we have become, that we forget what is all around us. We forget that anything we need, or any need we might want filled can be. I was in a fight with myself, not a physical one but an internal battle. I recently found myself needing a focus outside of the physical world I live in. In this search I asked God what I could do to get what I wanted. He answered me. And so I fasted. For the last 22 days I was camping without coffee. Well, not camping the entire time.. Really only for a day or two. But in the sense of standing INSIDE this tent of mine (which has gotten a lot bigger lately) I was living without the pull of coffee on my life.. In my life?? Anyway, every time I felt the desire to start it brewing or order my all-time fave -- the annihilator -- at Dutch bros, I would pray. Every night I felt like my feet were dragging and I still had 3 bedtimes for 3 kids and dinner and laundry and dishes.. I would pray.. every time I was hangin with my girls who love to sip along with me... I again would pray. Pray for the oneness I have been longing for to be called upon by Him. Praying for strength and power. And for open hearts. Have prayers been answered? Of course they have. Because my God is big. He is mightier than any weakness that passes through my home. Stronger than any tear I fight to release. I never had any doubt that the fruit from this harvest would be indescribably rich and beautiful.

puzzle pEAce

Never have I been one to sit and work on a puzzle for long. Any of the good ones can take days.. maybe even weeks to complete. I have watched progress of them as family or friends work on them and perhaps I may have found a corner piece or a few edges for them as I pass by the table. I just couldn't slow myself down for long enough to focus on the task and enjoy the process of it. I have started them on my own before, but really, I can't recall finishing one. I get to a hard piece and I get frustrated or bored and just ... well, I give up. When I would watch the people I know working on their own puzzles they wouldn't look the way I pictured myself looking when I sat down to one. I'd be scratching my head and sighing and squirming in my seat. Never noticing that as they might have approached me to assist, I would push them away. "I don't need help!! I can do this on my own" So, they would leave me with all my pieces.  And soon, I would get up and find a different distraction.


The thing is, I wasn't seeing at all what the point of it was. That one piece I set in for them on their puzzle and the four they had help with from another friend. And, the hour that their mom stopped by and chatted with them as they worked on it. Those were the hardest parts for them. I didn't see their trouble because they didn't turn down help. They enjoyed having the extra hands to see them through the edges they just could find and the seemingly millions of trees all the same exact size and color and shape. I kept seeing someone accepting help as a weakness. Really, this ability to see when you are in need of help is a strength.

Each piece of the puzzle is equally important. You can not have a beautiful picture to look back at if even a single one is missing. Each day we are given is also equally important and they all add in this journey we live that will lead to our final, beautiful, amazing picture. The easy, the impossible... the everything. Finding peace with our challenges comes with knowing that God is shaping us into exactly what we need to be. Some of these "piece" making days can be incredibly difficult. Some of them can be so easy we don't even realize what amazing work God is doing in our lives. Finding Peace of mind in our day to day puzzles is knowing that he didn't leave us here to go through it alone. He sends us helpers at every turn. As I do with most things, I learned this the hard way.

I'm not so afraid of puzzles anymore. I just might take one on our next camping trip.

it's all good

Standing outside the tent is actually not bad. The view out here is AMAZING! Fresh air and clouds and furry little animals running about. The sun comes up each morning and peeks about through the hills and tall tress. The ground warms up and I can smell sweet flowers as they reach for a dose of energy from their provider. Yes, birds sing and rain gently falls sometimes. The little campers run about and play with dirt and rocks and make up funny games. Out here, in Gods country, away from the busy city life, away from the hate and the hurry and the blame and the worry, away from bills and electronics and work and the micro-managed lives we follow everyday....you can find it -the way HE made it.. . Out here, It's All Good.

I have heard this phrase many times in my life. Recently I have witnessed the amazing grace that can be placed on a person who speaks truth all the time. This amazing, beautiful person uses this phrase more as a motto. At first I thought it was just what they said to make light of any situation that might not be a perfect one. Often using it in situations where I would never have seen the light and the glory but would probably see pain and sadness. But what I would hear again "It's all good".  As I grew closer and watched closer and through this friend put myself out there in faith, I could see that through strength and faith in the power of our maker, yes it is ALL GOOD. Earlier tonight I sat and thought of how good all things made by him are just that and that phrase when though my head. Later tonight I read my middle camper ( we call him Zach) a story. It was from the Bible storybook we bought for his big sister a few years back. And, now that big sister has a big girl bible he gets this fun story telling one. I started on the first page and as the "real" Bible goes.. it started in the beginning. I was quite proud of myself for reading and not tearing up. I am quite the cry baby and it often attacks me while reading sweet stories to my campers.
Had this phrase not been in my head all day, then this story would not have made me pause to breath and compose myself. Here is what got to me:

"God hovered over the deep, silent darkness. He was making life happen. God spoke. That's all. And whatever he said, it happened. God said, "Hello light!" and light shone into the darkness. God called the light, 'Day' and the darkness, 'Night'. "you're good," God said. And they were."

Whatever you are standing in front of.  The door of the house you can barely afford... The start of a new journey as a parent... The end of a journey with an old friend. A giant pile of laundry, of leaves, of bills..... A house full of people you can't manage.... A puppy who wont do her business where she should.... The door of your new tent you are too chicken to step into... Look at what really matters. Look at all things made by God. All things were made for us by him and made for us for good. When you look hard enough you can see that behind the busy and the dirty and the bothersome, there is the good. It took me witnessing it in a friend who had odds upon odds stacked against them. Who seeks him and comes out on top and knows what has been promised.

He said it him self, he made it himself - so it must be. It's all good!

-The Jesus Storybook Bible - written by sally lloyd-jones pg 18-19

tommorrow -I found a  puzzle peice - 

Time

Stayed inside all day. Fighting a headache and keeping the little campers happy. I stayed up entirely too late yesterday and really needed to get some rest. My day today was short and not very fulfilling and this makes for one who is not a happy camper. I like my time that I have discovered in the morning before the world awakes. I missed this today. I'd love to have it everyday. But i'm not ready to turn in my night owl badge for a morning person sticker! What time do you start your day and when do you tuck into bed? Normal for me is up around 7:30 and to bed about midnight.

Sharing daily is a goal of mine. Another goal, as tent keeper, I am setting for myself. To be on-time or early to al things I commit to. Being late in no longer allowed in the tent!